Yah recently delivered me from death in my spirit and soul caused by my sorrow over worldly things. Carnal desires that would not matter after this life. I had begun to idolize a promise He gave me, so much that I was sick in spirit with grief and anger (that I didn’t realize I had) towards Him because He had not come through.
After days of heaviness and lethargy in my spirit, Yah finally got my attention and revealed my wrong doings. I didn’t even know it was my own fault for what I was feeling until He convicted me with the truth.
In this post I want to take a different approach and breakdown the scripture from the bottom to top and let my experience and testimony be an example of this scripture.
Mourning over things of the world causes death in a multitude of ways. It will kill your spirit, soul, joy, peace, faith, hope, and vision just to name a few things I experienced. Also, it will lead to a second death or eternity away from Yah.
About two weeks ago, I experienced Yah taking away a promise from me, at least that’s how I saw it. It didn’t bother me at first, but it began to eat away at me, and everything became leavened as described in Galatians 5:9.
I was so sad and I felt betrayed because everything I looked forward to evaporated. I was so sorrowful over my circumstances I didn’t realize I was angry and losing my faith in Yah. I decided to fast because I was being tormented in my own mind. I thought I had made a big mistake along the way and Yah changed His mind. All I could think about was the children of Israel whom He let die in the wilderness, but He never left their side. I thought I had become like them.
Not even two hours into my fast, the Holy Spirit revealed I was angry at Yah because I had not gotten my way or what I wanted. I was shocked and hurt that I was doing that. I immediately confessed my anger out loud because once revealed I knew it was true.
I told Yah I was angry at Him and I apologized and asked that He would help me not be angry anymore.
As soon as it was revealed I was sinning against Yahuah with my anger I repented. I felt so grieved after all He had done for me and now I was resenting Him because I didn’t get what I wanted.
The journey didn’t stop there because my hope, faith, spirit, vision, etc. was still dead. I was still sorrowful trying to cope with a loss of something I had longed for. I wanted to do full time ministry, as I believed Yah had promised me. The thought of this gave me a reason to live and it’s the only thing I say joy and happiness in – spreading Yah’s Word. But here I was now being told to get a job, go back to school, and continue to stay in my mother’s house.
After confessing my anger, Yah revealed so much more about my sins against Him. This promise had become an idol next to Him. I had even stopped reading my Bible for a few days in my grieving. I didn’t trust Yah anymore and had lost faith in His words.
Of course, at the revealing of those things, I repented once again and asked for forgiveness and help. I kept crying out “Lord help me!” The spiritual warfare and attack on my mind had been going on for days at this point and then I found out that I was the problem to my mess.
I wasn’t being attacked and tormented by the enemy for my obedience but because I left an open door, took my eyes off Yah and focused on my natural circumstances, my hurt, pain, and feelings.
I am so thankful for Yah’s grace and mercy. Even as I repented, I thanked Him for not giving me what I wanted because I was not ready. The fact that I had acted this way over a “No” proved I did not deserve that promise. It would have destroyed me and my relationship with the Lord Yahusha.
After my sorrow at grieving Yah and my repentance, only then did I receive a reviving in my heart, soul, faith, vision, hope, spirit, etc. Losing a promise from Yah felt like I had lost Him. I was so grateful that He did not turn me over to myself, but He kept me because I truly desire Him and knew I would repent at the realization of my wrong doings and not harden my heart toward Him as if He owed me.
Yah restored me by telling me He did not say no or take away my promise. It’s still mine, I just needed to put it down for a time. Yah loves me so much He made me put away something He knew would hurt me in giving it.
He said no just so he could get me to Himself and heal my heart from past traumas, so I could know him and find myself in Him. Today I am grateful for Yah’s not yet, for a heart of flesh, and the gift of repentance.
I pray my testimony blesses you and finds you well.
Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you right now in Yahshua name giving you all the praise, glory, and honor. I want to pray for the person who might be reading this and I ask that you would cover them and extend your grace and mercy to them. I pray that if there are any areas in their life where they have hardened their heart towards You, that You would soften it and gently nudge them unto repentance. I pray that they would know you are a caring and loving God who cares for them. I pray that they would know they could talk to you about anything and open up their heart and express any disappointments they may have with the way life looks right now. I pray that you would comfort them and give them peace. I pray that they would know that “Not yet,” doesn’t mean “No.” I pray that you would take away any world sorrow they may have and replace it with your godly sorrow. For your Word says in Psalms 34:18, that you are near to the brokenhearted and you save those who are crushed in spirit. Please draw near to them and replace their anguish with joy. Please give them a sound and clear mind. Please relieve their hearts from the weight of this world and replace it with your peace that surpasses all understanding. Give the hope in Your Word and the strength they need to continue on the straight and narrow path. May your will be done and your way be had at all times in their life. In Yahshua name, Amen.
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